Jokes by Josh

Josh: Mommy, I gotta joke.
Me: Let's hear it.
Josh: Knock knock. (pause) Mommy, you need to ask who's there.
Me: Who's there?
Josh (jumps in the air shaking jazz hands and screams...): Boo thats who.

Josh slaps his thighs and says: That's a good one (then he giggles).

I nearly peed in my pants because his delivery of the joke was far superior than the joke itself. Tears actually escaped from my tired eyes because I was laughing so hard at him slapping his thighs and telling me how funny the joke was.

Random Moments with Josh: Poop

Josh told me he had to go reeeeeeally bad and that a poo storm was rolling in. I was like "instead of telling me about it, sit on the toilet".

He sat on the toilet and informed everyone "ahhhh it feels soooo good to poo.". Then a few seconds later I hear "mommy, you need to check this out. My poop is in the shape of a plane.".

My Name is Sucky Suckerton the Blog Writing Slacker

Need I say more. No. Okay, I will...I suck at keeping up with my blog even though there is oodles of stuff to chit chat about.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, right now I am dealing with mental midgets that feel the need to be loud ass muthatruckers. These mental midgets happen to be the college kids that live next door to me. DON'T GET ME WRONG, they can be super duper nice but in the evening ... um, there is a noise ordinance JACKASSES!!! At 10 pm if you are a loud ass muthatrucker, you can get fined or the cops can come over and bust your skinny asses.

My prob is that I've nicely confronted them and even placed a dab of humor in my emails to them (yes, I have their emails - perk of helping the management group and Board). Hmmm, maybe I will post these emails. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

From: "pr@timberwalkhoa.org"

Date: September 7, 2009 9:56:22 PM EDT

To: BLEEEEEP

Subject: NOISE LEVEL at #### RC From your next door neighbor)

Dear BLEEEEP,

I loathe writing to you because I know that our household can be loud with a rambunctious but oh so loveable 3-year old that lives to dance around the house to the obnoxious musical stylings of "Imagination Movers", "Backyardigans" and the heinous yet addictive "KIDZ BOP". With that being said, please let me know if we get too loud due to him being a 3-year old who has a tendency to have no voice modulation AND the fact that he is a stubborn lil independent man that requires discipline.

ALSO, I am asking for the same type of courtesy. Please turn down (not off, just lower) your music around 8:30 p.m. (his bedtime). I love music as much as the next person but when the water in my glass starts to shake (like from the scene in Jurassic Park) from the music emanating from your abode, I know that the music is much too loud.

Once again, I am sorry to write to you about this issue but it is hard for me to put my child to bed when he hears the music...once again visualize a silly lil dancing machine. I would merely come next door but I am saving your retinas from viewing an overly tired large pregnant woman.

Warmest regards,

Joelle Geiger
Timberwalk HOA PR Committee
pr@timberwalkhoa.org

http://www.timberwalkhoa.org

==============

From: "pr@timberwalkhoa.org"

Date: September 13, 2009 8:37:43 AM EDT

To: Bleep

Bcc: Bleep

Subject: Re: NOISE LEVEL at #### RC (From your next door neighbor)

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE realize that the bass on your music is sooooo incredibly loud. My husband was (why he couldn't merely knock on your door is beyond me) kept awake til 3 am with the music. I lucked out because I slept in my son's room (away from the shared wall).

All we ask for is our next door neighbors to be considerate of your music levels. I do my best to keep our level low because the shared wall sucks. I hope to GOD ABOVE that you do not hear the obnoxiousness of the children's music.

Sorry to bother you again but please please please realize that my husband is a busy professor at FGCU, I have a crazy toddler that needs sleep (or he is a hellion) and if this preggo gets no sleep (I am a bitch on wheels...scary but true...).



Joelle Geiger
Timberwalk HOA PR Committee
pr@timberwalkhoa.org

http://www.timberwalkhoa.org

=====================

From: pr@timberwalkhoa.org

Date: March 13, 2010 10:08:47 PM EST

To: BLEEP

My husband was about to go next door to tell you to turn it down just a wee bit since our baby's room and the master bedroom share a wall with your abode...but then my 4 year old came out of his room and started dancing saying that he can't go to bed when the music is on...he's gotta dance (seriously?!).

So in summary, I hate hate hate being the bitchy neighbor that says "turn down the music, puhleeeez".

I apologize for the loud noise that emanates from my abode (crying baby, a very "spirited" lil man and me yelling - which doesn't work anyway- at the very spirited lil man).


Joelle Geiger
Timberwalk HOA PR Committee
pr@timberwalkhoa.org

http://www.timberwalkhoa.org



On Feb 21, 2010, at 10:39 PM, Joelle Geiger wrote:

Holy crap guys, the loud boom that we thought was someone hurling the Battlestar Galactica at our townhome has just been explained (after waking my husband - who slept right through it) by my hubby via the internet...SONIC BOOM.

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2010/feb/20/expect-another-sonic-boom-over-naples-during-space

It is always fab when stuff like this happens after just calming down a spaztic 4 year old and a crying 4 month old. Note the sarcasm that I am bathing in.

Drama King

Josh told me 5x rapid fire that he needed a tissue or his nose would explode and then he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Josh: TISSSSSSSSSUUUUES!!!

Me: Josh, you have one in your hand.

Josh: But it already has BOOGERRRRS in it! It is dirty. I can't use a dirty tissue!!!!

Me: Josh, you know where the tissues are...get one.

Josh: But my nose is going to explode and then I won't be able to breathe. The hole would be clogged with boogies.

Me: WOW. Someone in the house is a huge drama king.

Josh: I can't be a drama king because I don't have a crown (say this in your best snotty attitudinal voice).

Me: Hmmmmm (this is when I went into the cabinet to get my tools to make ... a crown for him).

Crown made.

Me: Josh, I made something for you.

Josh: Ooooo, what is it.

Me: A crown.

Josh: oh. What does it say?

Me: Drama King.

Josh is giggling while snot flings out of his wee nose.

Josh: Can I wear it?

Me: Yes.

A ceremony ensues with him having the crown placed upon his head by QUEEN CRABBY PATTY (Me, I came up the name). The ceremony was attended by KING POOPY PANTS (Josh named Ben since he had a poop explosion earlier today).

Good times my friends. Good times.

BOOGERS!

Whose got cabin fever? I've got cabin fever!!!

Well, Josh started looking sick on Saturday night. Then Sunday the snot dropped in. Today he is a MESS...The poor kid is such a drama king about his snot. OMG, a tissue box will be right in front of him and he has to scream "TISSSSSSSUE! TISSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUE!". I'm like "Josh it is right in front of you." "TISSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUEEE!".

Feel bad for my sick big boy.

Benji had a cold (congestion and cough) but seemed to really enjoy the fresh air on Saturday.

Hello my name is Joelle and my only form of communication with the outside world is through electronic means. Thank you technology for keeping me sane....now praying for no power outages because that would suck ass. Well, at least I have my iPhone to keep in touch with peeps. On that note, I should charge the portable DVD player.

SOCCER: Mommy, did you see me almost win?

Well, this past Saturday Josh had his first go at soccer. He was super giddy getting ready at home; still super giddy and anxious on the way to the soccer field; stillllll giddy when he saw his best bud; overly giddy at practice (Mommy......I got a bunch of goals!) and then the game began...he looked a lil confused about what was going on but as long as my boy was having fun, that is all that matters.

We saw several familiar faces on different fields and this made Josh happy BUTTTTTTTTTTT he jumped into my arms and said "Mommy, I'm done now. Done.". Later on he asked me if I saw him almost win (love the way he put it). And I said "Yes, sweetie...and you'll get even better the more you play. You simply have to help your team by getting the ball into the goal net that is located on the other side of where you started the game."

Josh was quiet for a lil bit and said something along the lines of how he doesn't understand how we had so many balls for practice and then they disappeared during the game. He went on to state "Mommy, wouldn't it be easier to get a goal if each of us had a ball (UM NO, it would be even more chaotic)."

Me: "No".

Josh: "We'll at least give each team a ball so they can try and hit in the net.".

Me: "Honey, there is only one GAME ball on the field during the GAME. The goal is to steal the ball from the other team so they can not make a goal and your team can make a goal."

Josh: "Eh"

Me: "Did you have fun?"

Josh: "Yes, I had fun making goals (during practice)."

The look on his face when we took him out to lunch with his grandparents was priceless. He was so incredibly happy.

Just Call Me Patches

I am trying hard to get up-to-date with my doc appts.

Dentist = CHECK

Ob/Gyn = CHECK but have to get lab work

Lab Work at Quest (super friggin' fuckutastic) = Friday

Dermatology = Minor surgery needed - 3 biopsies (one is a regrowth).

Okay, I am going to take a break from the list to stress the importance of sunscreen YEAR ROUND. Many of my biopsies are located on parts of my body that have been covered with clothes. Skin cancer is not pretty and can kill you if you do not do an annual skin check. EVEN with an annual check a doctor may overlook something so pleeeeeeeeeeeeease take care of your largest organ.

Eyes = Um, I know I need to get new glasses but guh. However, I saw really cute frames.

Chiropractor = Lugging around my beautiful chub and occasionally my big boy is taking a toll on my already heinous back.

Took Josh to the Pediatric dentist and recently found out that PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY is a specialist. Um. Whatever.

Took Ben to his 4 month check-up and I loathe vaccines but I loathe what can happen without some vaccines.

And in conclusion...I am putting a lot of doctor's kids through college.

I would like to say that I am going to visit a plastic surgeon to suck the fat out of me and do a tummy tuck but that would be sort of sucky too since the recovery time is NOT FUN (from what I heard). HOWEVER, I will do my best to love me the way I am.