SELECTIVE HEARING: I know that this is the case for my son Josh.
What I say: "Josh, don't wake up your brother.".
What he hears: "Josh, why don't you wake up your brother? He'd friggin' love it."
What I say: "Josh, it is time to pick up your toys and put them away."
What he hears: "Josh, it is time to run around in your underwear screaming about not wanting to go to bed and how you have to play with more toys in order to be happy."
What I say: "Josh, please finish your food before leaving the table."
What he hears: "Josh, please run around like an idiot and bang your head on the table a few times because we all enjoy when you bump into us under the table and act like a dog."
IGNORING ME: I know this is what some of my family members do and it irritates the shit out of me...hence me being so regular but I digress.
What I say: "Please do not give him any more toys...at least til his b-day. He expects it everytime he sees you."
What they hear: "Please disregard everything I say and do whatever the heck you want. Heck, go ahead and buy him a new car even though he is not even FOUR yet."
Then I will tell them again about Josh expecting gifts all the time and using this when he is in trouble and has a toy taken from him. "Mommy, I don't care anymore because I can ask $R$IY and they will get it for me." UMMMMMMMM, WTF.
COMPLETE ASSHOLE: Too many to list but my wee one has just woken (is that even a word) up and is upset that I am not in his grill to supply a tasty milky treat.
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