Yes, every parent has to deal with bedtime struggles. I don't care to hear from the delusional parent that thinks their child shits gold. THEY DON'T SO SHUT THE FLARN FILTH FLARN UP.
Last night Ben was a gassy crying baby mingled with smiles because I hate seeing my wee whipper doodle turning red in the face from crying so hard. Obviously, he finally managed to get to sleep and allow me a couple of hours of much needed rest before I heard from Josh "My penis won't go down.". UM.
So then it was mommy who informed him to try going to the bathroom and maybe it would go down then. Sure enough it did. THANK YOU BABY JESUS. So I am slowly trying to wake up and after 5 more minutes Josh has to run in the hallway with his no voice modulation voice that he has to go poo. I informed him that he doesn't need to announce it to the neighborhood. I realize at this time that it would be a good time to spackle makeup on me to give the illusion of not being a zombie. He finishes his poo party in which I have to wipe his booty and help him wash his hands and yadda yadda.
Then he is amused by his computer...great time to pack the diaper bag and get dressed for the day before Ben wakes up.
THEEEEEEEEEN, it dawns on me that I want to write a script for a MJ Thriller remake with tired parents in a zombie like mode. Oh it has most likely been done but not Joellie-style.
Well "THE MAN" (Chris) is heading out the door to work and I tell him about my plans to remake the THRILLER video while simultaneously unloading the dishwasher and rotating a hula hoop on my right ankle (okay, I didn't have a hula hoop but wouldn't be amazing if I did?).
Chris is amused and then said "Oh, so this is what you do with your free time (ha ha ha ha free time...I digress).".
What I wanted to say: "Yes, I live in a land filled with magical prancing pink ponies that shoot rainbow-colored sprinkles out of their ass. A land where dust bunnies come to life and do the laundry and moldy cheese takes out the garbage."
What I said: "Yep".
Side note: Have you ever looked at your hands and realized a stain on them and said to yourself "HOW THE FUC@ did that get there?". Okay...I am slap happy. I will most likely crash HARD @ noon. Josh will no doubt whip out the PlayDoh and create a lil village of PlayDoh people on my jiggling gut. Ben will just beg to be changed while looking so gosh darn chubilishously cute.
Hmmm, wonder if I will get to pick up my GS cookies this morning from Addie? Probably not since WEE chubilishous baby is sleeping. Ahhhhhhhhhh, what is happening with my right eye? All the sudden it feels like someone threw a big ball of stuff I am allergic into it. GUH. Now my nose is running. Seriously. My body is against me.
And in conclusion...THRILLER.
No comments:
Post a Comment