The boy backtalks and even when I put him in timeout he tells me one of the following:
1. I will defeat you Joker.
2. I can easily get off the couch and play with my toys.
3. You can't stay mad at me.
4. I am going to put YOU (insert the image of a sassy boy pointing his finger in your face) in timeout for being a mean mommy.
5. Grandma says the world revolves around Ben and me.
UMMMMMMMMMMM! Whatever child. SHUT UP and sit still.
Sooooooooooooooooooo, he had a dentist appointment this week and YAY his teeth look good. HOWEVER, they needed two assistants to hold him down to brush his teeth. The dentist informed me that the moment he came in...Josh was cooperative. He said maybe he realized that it was futile to struggle. This seems like normal toddler behavior so I was like what-ev-ah. UNTIL Captain Jackass decided to run into the waiting room while I was making his next appointment to look at fish (once again, this is fine). BUT THEN it is time to go and Josh has gone from talking about fish to one mom in the waiting room to talking about his teeth to a dad in the room and THEN when I tell him it is time to go he said "No, I still haven't gone on the ship." I was like "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" (Not out loud of course). Instead I said "You have 3 seconds to come over here.".
What did he do next..........he counted to three with me and ran around the ship. So, I said "Goodbye Josh" and walked out of the dentist office (my car was right outside the dentist office so I figured that I could at least get my bag and Ben in the car) got Ben situated. Josh peaked out and asked me if I was kidding about leaving him behind. I said "YES". Then the boy ran inside again. UM.
At this point the nice mommy went to the wayside and the megahosebeast mom came out. I stormed into the waiting room on a mission to get him. He was in the ship and said that he was not done playing. I said "Yes, yes you are done playing. Ben is in the car and we have to go home now.". He said "Well, give Ben a toy to play with in the car, he'll be fine." WHAT!?!??! This is when I dragged his ass out of the boat and used his butt as a mop for the dentist office's floor.
So we get into the car and this is where I unleash the madness. I inform him that this is a warning (next time he won't receive one)...the Lego Bat Cave will be gone (only for a day - hidden in my hubby's walk-in closet - don't even get me started on that topic). The boy said "No it won't. I can buy it and play with it.". I said "With what money are you going to buy it." "I will get into Daddy's wallet and pay for it.". This is when I picked up the phone and called my husband to tell him that his son is an asshole. Josh was very upset about this and even more upset when I told him that his Lego Bat Cave was going to be sold. HOLY CRAP the child cried and cried and I LOVED IT. This may seem evil to be happy about my son's sadness but none of the PROFESSIONAL nanny techniques are working on him.............therefore, I am merely going to take away a favorite toy.
On a positive note, while waiting in the dentist's office a group of the parents shared very amusing stories about their lil ones and troubles with disciplining them. It was a lot of fun. It would have been more fun if the assistants came out and offered us a nice lil alcoholic beverage to take the edge off the rest of the day with our beloved whipper doodles.
Today, I almost broke down in front of a friend because I am at a loss of what to do. My son does not listen; he does not respond well to timeouts; he is an a-hole when I lock him in his room...HELPPPPP!!!!!!!!
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